santa.

so i basically did all of my xmas shopping today.
i spent less than $100, which is a suprise.
i kinda cheaped out, but hey,
im allowed to do that.
also, caitlin and i got our picture with santa.
and looking at it, brings back memories.
not of the present, but of the past.
i had to take out an old picture, to put the new one in,
and it kind of hurt.
i have issues moving on,
and just live in the past, even if it dsnt suit me.
so, i had to remove the picture of claire and i,
legitmately smiling, and having a ball,
for one with me mechanically smiling at the camera.
i dont know, it just seems...
like the past was so much, happier. carefree.
and, my old best friend promised me that we would get a picture.
but that was last year,
and things and people change.
even though we dont like it, or dont want it,
hell we have to accept it.

meet the family.

yesterday, i got to go to alanas house,
which was amazing BECAUSE:
shes somebody who can actually talk with me
and appreciates MLIA, and what white people like.
also, her family kicks bum.
it was nice to see a family that isnt disfunctional for a change.
i need to marry into that family,
but i supose i kinda blew that chance?
ptff. i supose it could just be an obsticle,
or over for good, but who in this world really knows?
for now, we're just going to say whatever, and move on.
which hasnt really been working too well.
any who, her parents drive me wild.
her father is quite the charcter, and i presume thats the place
where she gets her charm from ;)

swine.

so. i won a debate with my parents
on whether or not i should get the swine flu vaccine.
i won the debate,
against my laywer parents.
no shot for me,. thank god.
its not that i dont beleive in vaccines,
hell i have pleanty,
but i dont see swine flu as an issue.
its less of a threat than the common cold.
the media is blowing it out of proportion big time.
people need to stop freaking out and realzie this.
plus, my main thing, is that the long term effects arent determined.
about 30 years ago, doctors would give pregnant women pain meds
and you know what? they fucked up their babies.
contorted and disabled children were the result of this.
i dont want to have fucked up children because of the shot,
effects are not clear, and there is little to gain,
so why risk it?

fuck.

i dont want to be involved anymore.
not just with you, but with anyone.
its too dangerous.
if i let you become my everything,
then it will be a repeat of this summer.
and, if that happens, then i may not be here anymore.
that fucked me up so much.
though, i dont understand why he cares so much,.
about people seeing us and judging.
people do that all the time, why would it matter?
i know i hurt you, damn i hurt myself too,
but if we cant fix this, then theres going to be alot of hurt
here for the rest of my fucking life.
why cant you see that im still dying?
or can you, and you just ignore it- because if you care,
then people will think less of you.
this is your downfall. or more so, my own.
because, in actuality, youre perfect.
its just those who are imperfect that are holding you back.
and for that, im sorry.
who am i trying to fool?
we had our run. and now, youre running on.
but, im still here babe.
still waiting for you to come back and get me.
but, youre not coming back.
and because of that, its impossible for me to move.

gives you hell.

the BH debate was today
but i couldnt fucking go because of tryouts.
but i went to support jenny for her last debate anyways.
she was so good.
but i was dissapoined she never discussed communism and hitler :(
oh well. it happens.
and sjr totally cleaned out.
i wish i went there. that way, i could kick ass at debate
and would make hot rich debate boys fall in love with me.
CHA CHING.
really though, during the awards i was talking to this guy from grant park.
and we were giggling over the sjr boys and he was like
'if i were a chick, id be hitting on them non stop"
then i said, "what do you think i do when this is over?"
his face was priceless. dangg. i love debaters.
and i finally found out who mr. chase from sphs was.
hes quite the character. we discussed parahanas eating goldfish.
goodstuff.
anyways, i havnt started my homework. is it even nessecary? nawhh...
the american history speeches have me all excited.
i suck dick at memorizing, but its going to be epic.

hair.

so i just had a shower.
and my hair feels so silky and light.
ITS SO FANTASTIC.
because its light and bouncy and smells good.
and to top it off, i have peanut butter.
yes, the actually stuff.
the leftover halloween candy is deminishing harshly.
delecious stuff.
sorry brock for eating your caramilk and milk duds.
they are delecious. dont hate me.
im in such a good mood right now.
everything just feels so... right.
im not worrying about the stress of this weekend,
and the stress of all the other stuff going on.
im just here head banging (not banging head ;p)
to some smashmouth, with my flippy hair and candy
in my family guy boxer shorts and mcgill shirt.
life is good. realize that.

h1n1.

hello swine flu.
you are invading the world.
LIES.
you are not a big deal. the media is making you sound all big and important, when in actuallity, youre not. just like steven harper.
i refuse to get the vaccine for you.
because you are not an epidemic.
not yet at least.
buy hey, the common cold is killing more than you are.
why should i be worried?
so what if you can be transfered to cats? like i care.
just stay away from centeral canada.
and if you come here.
then maybe, just maybe, ill get the vaccine.
but really? i highly doubt that day will come.

the challange.

im competative. life is a game.
when somebody says that i cant do something,
it drives me even harder to do it.
when you said, we could never be friends again,
it tore me apart,
and make me more determined to fix things.
its happened. things are fixed, or rather, in the process.
step by step, things are getting better.
but, you deny that things can go back to the way they were.
i cant deny that.
but can i make them better?
maybe.

just give me a chance.
and ill prove you wrong.

mcgill

ohmygod.
so i got back from montreal yesterday-
or rather very very early this morning,
it was the best fucking experience ever.
the resolutions were so hardass. srs, look:
this house regrets the indictment of omar al basir
this house will ban all private schools
this house would fund in-vitro fertilization for those who cannot concieve
and others that i cant remember.
but the finals was the most intense shit ever
the resolution was: this house beleive a utopian society would be athiest.
holy fuck it made my day.
best halloween ever,
i met so many new people from all around the country.
some guy asked me out for lunch and my phone number- what a sweetie.
jenny and i bonded- and i realized that i suck with a map.
i toured montreal with mr burg and swazie- who are still in my phone,
and ate breakfast everyday at a cafe down the street
while yelling resolutions to the streets.
we shopped and stayed up late.
ordered room service, and stalked the hot sjr boys on the floor below.
watched a bald guy in the building next to us-
which isnt creepy because he had a cat and wrote equations on his windows.
god. there was just so much that went down, all of it great.
the trip totally opened my eyes to the world
and not just the world of insaine debate.
i learned that there is a mcgill kevin jonas look alike
and that UCC has a 42 000 tuition, and wicked skills.
its my dream to marry one of the guys who goes there. hes dreamy.
BUT. all in all, i learned:
do all your homework before you go away on a trip ;)