simplistic.

have you ever had a day,
where things are great one second, and the next theyre tumbling down around you?
like somebody pushed the self destruct button by mistake.
my finger slipped, and hit that button.
lifes problems, no matter how complex, can always be boiled down to a simple sentence.
this time, the sentence is the same as it has been for months:
im an idiot.
a stupid selfcentred moron with no selfcontrol who lives to please others.
i cant please everybody.
and in a weak attempt to try and please the two people who matter most in my life right now, i burst into flames.
yeah. i did over drink.
but that was only to numb the pain thats built up emotionally.
yeah. i did go back to him.
but only because...well, because i didnt see anything wrong with it.
i cant lose you.
i know i fucked up HARD, but im for real this time.
i understand if you cant give me another chance. you have no trust.
but...i cant imagine life without you.
when i was sitting in my basement alone, under a heap of blankets;
i didnt care that my lips tasted like vodka or tears streamed my face.
the only thing i cared about, was that i had hurt you
and there was nothing i could do to make your pain stop.
at 330 am, i managed to get to sleep.
when i awoke, the pain i felt for you, transitioned onto me.
and so, ive been in the basement.
watching texas hold 'em for the past four hours.
at the start of the game, a player had the same name as you.
i wanted him to win.
and you know what? he got to the finals with a 13% chance of winning on the river.
and he won.
he defeated all the odds, and got what he wanted.
i want to know what you want.
do you want me to leave you alone? to try and patch this whole mess up?
to completly ignore you and delete all trace?
or, is there even the slightest chance, that you can forgive me for making another mistake?
i cant hold my liquor very well- but thats no excuse.
i shouldntve been talking to him. sneeking around.
from here on out, just tell me what you want, and ill make it happen.
its all about you. make your move.