slap in the face.

have you ever just had a moment-
one where you just stare into nothing,
then hate yourself?
i just did.
i know you dont read this...anymore,
but, youre drivnig me INSAINE.
i know we can never go back to being us,
but i just need to talk with you.
go back to even small talk, not ignoring me.
i was straing at this screen for god knows how long,
and i didnt even register it.
all i knew was that i was stupid and i destroyed you.
out of nowhere, i slapped myself.
hard, across the face.
its what i do in basketball, when im not feeling awake.
i slap myself lightly on the cheeks to get ready for the game.
i feel its restores alertness to whats going on.
it was like that,
except much harder and even angry,
and more like i was trying to wake myself from a nightmare.
now i know im awake.
...
i wont get over you.
note* i didnt say 'cant', i said 'wont'.
as in its not humanly possibly.